Friday Jottings-Decisions

At the time I wrote the below column I gave it a different name. Men and Obsessions. But I think just the word Decisions is more apt since that's the main point of the piece. As I mention down in the article I learned many years ago that almost always simply making one decision or the other is preferable to endless stewing without a decision. Often if you stew too  long a decision is made for you by circumstances that is worse than any of the alternatives you were considering. By necessity the only times I spend much time on deciding something is if a large sum of money (to me) is involved. I try to take time to consider all alternatives to obtaining the money at least cost to my pocketbook.

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     I believe men have fewer problems making decisions than women, as a rule. And don't obsess over a decision once they’ve made it. They don’t torture themselves with, ‘Maybe I should have said ‘yes, I’ll do the report, even though it’s your job.’ Or ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have refused to bake ten dozen cookies for the bake sale. I'd find the time, somewhere.’
    Why is this? Are males raised to be more decisive? Is the male psyche just natually more assertive? Do parents/society expect  female children to be ‘pleasers’ more than male children?
    I'm certainly no professional with answers. But I've lived a few years and observed a lot of people. And I've noticed that even if someone was exposed to bad examples of decision-making while growing up nature and nurture can be overcome to some extent as we mature.
    I’m convinced there is in most cases a difference in the male and female psyche. I observed it when raising my daughter, helping to raise my grandson and being around my two-year-old great-grandson. When Tyler wants something and it’s within his reach and ability, he takes it. I'm pretty sure he wil continue this, within appropriate limits hopefully, into adulthood. Girls, at least in my generation, nearly always gravitated toward asking permission or debating pros and cons, internally or with friends.
    Family dynamics affect decision-making, too. If one had a one or two parent family. Who was most influential in family decisions. Were there siblings. Were the children involved in decision making. And sometimes outside influences at some point affect the eventual development of adult decision-making style. 
    I worked for a while in what was once considered a job for only men. I think I’m much more decisive than I would have been because of that opportunity. Even before that experience though I had become convinced that, almost always, any decision is better than no decision when one must be made.
    The inability to make decisions, or trust the decision made, brings a feeling of helplessness that can be paralyzing.  Since many, many women live longer than their spouses these days, as I have, the ability to make decisions is more important than ever for them.
   

Just What I Needed

I wrote the original column below these remarks long ago, on an anniversary of my father's passing. It does still seem as though after we've slogged along life's path until we feel we can't go any farther, God gives us a brief period of refreshment. Such happened to me again this year, as it often has over the years. I miss being able to see my great grandsons often as I did when they were babies/toddlers. They, and their parents, lived with or near me for a few years. Now they live in another state. I do visit them when I can and glad I'm able to do so. But this year they came to visit me for two weeks! In what has turned out to be a busy year for me, it happened to be the two weeks I could devote exclusively to them. It was so wonderful to be able to hug and kiss them as often as I wished for two weeks. They are affectionate little boys, well, not so little anymore, but not yet of the age to brush off hugs from loving grannies, aunts, etc.

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Often we humans groan that things in our life have gone wrong. But sometimes we’re blessed with an experience that was just what we needed, exactly when we needed it.

 One particular instance was not a good time in my life. I lived in Tennessee, and my father in Georgia was dying of lung cancer. My husband and I went to spend a week with Dad and my stepmother. We tried to keep from wallowing in sadness, but it was as rough for my husband as for me. He loved my Dad and was in the midst of one of his periodic bouts of depression.

 Before we left for Georgia I had made reservations for us to spend a  couple of days on our way home at a dude ranch near Tellico Plains, TN. We began to wonder if we would ever reach the place after our car labored up several steep, steamy miles. To spare the engine we turned off the car's air conditioning.

We finally arrived at the ranch, set among woods and meadows. The accommodations were comfortable, though rustic. After our hot, sweaty drive up the mountain, stepping into our room’s tiny shower stall was sheer bliss.

The couple who owned the place did most of the work, including preparing delicious food for their guests. Rocking on the front porch before dinner was relaxing and we slept soundly that night despite a summer thunderstorm, which knocked out the ranch’s power. We trooped to the dining room for breakfast and a generator provided electricity for cooking, but not enough for our hosts to prepare all dishes at the same time. With plenty of coffee no one minded and we guests got acquainted with each other.

Later that day I joined our hostess and several guests for a horseback ride. I rode a gentle mare but my legs are short and the mare somewhat rotund. I felt sure I would slide off her back on the slightest downslope. As I hung on to the reins and tried to keep feet in stirrups, the cares and sorrows of daily life felt far away.

Since then when I’m tempted to grumble about something, I think of that respite from sorrow and look around for the balancing good I’m sure I’ll find.